Anker Susan. Real Essays with Readings with 2009 MLA Update

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167

Items conﬁ scated

at airport security

You Know This

Anytime you give examples, you

are using illustration.

• You tell a

friend why

you like or

dislike a

movie.

• You see

pictures

that give

examples of

things.

Illustration

Writing That Shows Examples

Understand What Illustration Is

Illustration is writing that uses examples to show, explain, or prove a

point.

In the following paragraph, each number corresponds to one of the

four basics of good illustration.

What’s the strongest predictor of your health? 1 It may not be your

income or age but rather your literacy.

2 People with low literacy skills

have four times greater annual health costs than those with high skills.

Why is literacy so important?

3 Most Americans read at an eighth- or

ninth-grade level, and 20% read at just a ﬁ fth-grade level or below.

However, most health-care materials are written above the tenth-grade

■ IDEA JOURNAL

Write about the

things that keep your

life busy.

FOUR BASICS OF GOOD ILLUSTRATION

It has a point to illustrate.

2. It gives speciﬁ c examples to show, explain, or prove the point.

3. It gives details to support these examples.

4. It uses enough examples to get the writer’s point across.

4 Enough

examples given

to back the

writer’s main

point

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WRITING ESSAYS

168 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

level. 3 As many as half of all patients fail to take medications as directed,

often because they don’t understand the instructions.

2 Americans can improve their health literacy by asking their doctor or

pharmacist 3 three questions: (1) “What is my main problem?” (2) “What

do I need to do?” and (3) “Why is it important to do this?” If you’re still

confused, don’t hesitate to ask your doctor, nurse, or pharmacist to go

over the information again.

— “Literacy and Health,” Parade magazine, January 18, 2004

Whenever we explain something, we use examples to show what we

mean. Here are some ways you might use illustration:

COLLEGE In a criminal justice course, you discuss and give

examples of the most common criminal violations.

WORK Your written self-evaluation includes speciﬁ c and mea-

surable examples of how well (or poorly) you performed.

EVERYDAY You take your car to a mechanic and give him or her

LIFE examples that show how the car is not running properly.

Main Point in Illustration

Look at the opening sentences in the paragraph with the colored shading

(p. 167).

What’s the strongest predictor of your health? It may not be your income or

age but rather your literacy.

In this case, the topic — the strongest predictor of your health — is in the

opening sentence, which is followed by a surprising main point: that lit-

eracy might be a predictor of health. Because the point is surprising, the

reader will be interested in reading on to ﬁ nd out how it could be true.

The writer demonstrates the main point by giving examples.

Often, a thesis statement in illustration includes the topic and your

main point.

Topic + Main point = Thesis statement

Learning another language has many beneﬁ ts, including

some you might not expect.

4 Enough

examples given

to back the

writer’s main

point

■ DISCUSSION

Ask students about a

time when they didn’t

understand what a

doctor meant.

■

TEACHING TIP

Have students write

more examples for

each of the three cate-

gories in their journals.

Then, as a class, have

them use the journal

entries to compile

longer lists for each

category.

■

TEACHING TIP

Have students look at a

magazine, newspaper,

or textbook for exam-

ples of main points.

■ For more on thesis

statements, see

Chapter 5.

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 11 • Illustration 169

Topic + Main point = Thesis statement

Holistic medicine is gaining support among doctors.

Support in Illustration

In illustration, the examples show or prove your stated main point.

A student who had written the thesis Homeschooling is beneﬁ cial

to both the child and the parent focused her prewriting on ﬁ nding exam-

ples of beneﬁ ts of homeschooling. Here are some examples from her

brainstorming:

An illustration essay usually uses several examples as support points.

The writer of the prewriting on homeschooling selected “individualized to

child” as one support point and asked herself, “What do I mean? How? In

what ways?” to ﬁ nd supporting details.

She also chose “parent and child have control” as another major ex-

ample that would support the thesis. She then asked herself, “How do

they have more control?” and listed potential supporting details:

■ RESOURCES

For online writing and

grammar resources, go

to bedfordstmartins

.com/rewritingbasics.

individualized to child parent and child have control

parent and child together more ﬂ exibility

at child’s own pace considers child’s learning style

one-on-one education is part of regular life

control over materials used (what books, what computer programs,

what approach)

control over time of instruction (what hours of the day, based on

child’s natural rhythms, vacations — not tied to a school’s calendar)

■ For online exercises

on main point

and support, visit

Exercise Central at

bedfordstmartins

.com/realessays.

■ For more on

brainstorming, see

page 69. For more on

supporting a point,

see Chapter 6.

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WRITING ESSAYS

170 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

Organization in

Illustration

Illustration often uses order of importance to organize several examples,

often saving the most vivid, convincing example for last. A typical plan for

an illustration essay might look like the one on the left.

Transitions are important in illustration because they signal to read-

ers that you are moving from one example to another. Use transitions to

move between sentences within a paragraph and also to move from one

paragraph to another.

Common Transitions in Illustration

also ﬁ nally for instance in addition

another for example for one thing one example . . .

another example

Introduction with

thesis statement

Says what you want

readers to know

about the topic

First example

Details about the

example

Second example

Details about the

example

Third example

(often the most

powerful)

Details about the

example

Conclusion

Reminds readers

of the main point

and makes an

observation based

on it

ILLUSTRATION

AT A GLANCE

Read and Analyze

Illustration

Before writing an illustration essay, read the following three examples of

illustration — from college, the workplace, and everyday life — and answer

the questions that accompany them.

Illustration in College

The following is part of a report that Luz Medina wrote when she served

as a student representative to the division of Student Affairs at her college.

Her job was to survey some other students and present a list of suggestions

for new services that would help students.

■ For more on order

of importance, see

page 101.

■ For more examples

of illustration, see

Chapter 44.

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 11 • Illustration 171

To: Vice President, Student Affairs

Fr: Luz Medina

Re: Suggestions for student services

1 To complete this report, I interviewed twenty-ﬁ ve students, asking

them the following questions: (1) Do you know about the student ser-

vices that are available on this campus? (2) What service or organization

would help your college experience and why? (3) Would you be willing

to help set up this program? I have attached the complete responses to

these questions, but here I will summarize what I found. The responses

were both surprising and well worth considering in the future.

2 To my surprise, most of the students I interviewed were not aware of

the many programs that are already available to them. For example,

several of the students said that they didn’t know what to do when

they were about ready to drop out. I told them about our Succeeding

Together program and gave them the Web site that lists the people and

services that are designed just for these situations. I encouraged them

to go to these sites for help, telling them that the college works hard to

help keep students from dropping out.

3 Another area where we have many services that students don’t know

about is in preparing for a job search. Most students know that there

is an ofﬁ ce of career planning, but they thought it just posted job an-

nouncements. They didn’t know about great programs like the Virtual

Job Fair or the many mini-seminars on interviewing, making a good ﬁ rst

impression, or one-on-one counseling to match students with employ-

ers. They also didn’t know about the program that gives very speciﬁ c

career counseling that matches student interests with careers and then

helps students plan what courses will best help them get started in the

career.

4 There were many other services students did not know about. Al-

though they are listed online and we offer an orientation, I think we, as

a committee, should ﬁ gure out how to more successfully let students

know what resources they have on this campus.

■ TEACHING TIP

Have students ﬁ nd out

what services are avail-

able on your campus.

PAUSE: Are you

aware of services

offered on your

campus? Name

three and their

locations.

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WRITING ESSAYS

172 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

5 The students offered some good suggestions for new services. One

is that we devise an instant-messaging system for communication with

advisers. Students said that often they have to wait to see their advisers

when they have a question that would take only a minute to ask and

answer. One student compared it to standing in a long line to buy a

package of gum: It doesn’t seem worth the wait.

6 Two other good suggestions regard the problems students often

have with transportation and child care. Students suggested that there

be a college-sponsored online bulletin board that students can go to to

ﬁ nd rides at various times. Students looking for transportation could

ﬁ nd other students with cars who would be willing to give students rides

for a small fee. The students also suggested a similar child-care bulletin

board that might help parents connect to babysit for each other.

7 A ﬁ nal suggestion that two students made was to have professors

record their lectures so that they could be downloaded for students

who had to miss a class. Students said that they could already get the

homework assignments for a missed class, but they had no way to get

the lecture material.

8 Students were surprised that the college already has so many re-

sources, and they gave serious and thoughtful suggestions for new and

needed services. I am sorry to report that only ﬁ ve of the twenty-ﬁ ve

students said that they would be willing to help set up a new service,

but at least those few are willing. Interviewing other students was an

interesting project for me, making me think about the importance of

student-affairs programs and giving me experience gathering and ana-

lyzing information.

1. Double-underline the thesis statement.

2. Underline the topic sentences in each paragraph.

3. Do you know what student services are available at your college?

4. If you were asked to suggest a student service at your college, what

would it be?

5. Does Luz’s report have the four basics of good illustration? Be ready

to explain your answer.

PAUSE: Summarize

the new ideas the

students suggested.

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 11 • Illustration 173

Illustration at Work

The following proﬁ le shows how a university vice president uses illustra-

tion at work.

BACKGROUND: I grew up in Amarillo, Texas, in a family of ten children.

For most of my life, going to college never even occurred to me. I was

a marginal student, on the slow track in school. I expected to either join

the military or to work with the Rock Island Railroad, as my father did

for thirty-seven years.

However, my circumstances changed when I was a sophomore in

high school. In that year, my father lost both of his legs in an acci-

dent at work. As I sat with him through his long stay in the hospital,

I realized that I wanted a different future. I knew then that I had to

go to college, but I didn’t know how I could accomplish that seemingly

impossible goal.

Timing is often miraculous. Soon after making the decision to pursue

higher education, I was approached by a TRIO/Upward Bound counselor

who asked me to consider participating in their program. I jumped at

the opportunity. The TRIO student support services program gave me the

support, encouragement, and skills I needed for college work, and I will

always be deeply grateful for their help.

COLLEGES/DEGREES: B.A., Texas Tech University; M.Ed., University of Texas,

San Antonio; Ph.D., University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign.

EMPLOYER: University of Texas, Austin.

WRITING AT WORK: Most of the writing I do at work is in creating pre-

sentations for a variety of different audiences, reviewing and revising

statements of school policy, and writing and updating various reports

on student life at the school. I work closely with student leaders, and

much of our communication is oral — shared exchanges of ideas during

meetings. However, in those meetings I take minutes of what occurs

so that I have accurate records. I maintain active correspondence with

students, with administrators in other areas of the college, and with

faculty. I also spend a good amount of time writing e-mail messages to

people at the university, in the community, and to colleagues around the

country.

HOW JUAN USES ILLUSTRATION: In reports to administration and in presenta-

tions to parents, trustees, and students, I have to give detailed examples

of the work that the Student Affairs ofﬁ ce does.

Proﬁ le of Success

Juan Gonzalez

Vice President of

Student Affairs,

University of

Texas, Austin

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WRITING ESSAYS

174 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

Juan’s Illustration

The following is from an address Dr. Gonzalez gave to a group of new

students.

VOCABULARY

The following words are italicized in the excerpt: embarking, striving,

encapsulates, indicators, collaborative, integrated, aspire, comple-

menting, facilitates, foster, engendering, status quo. If you don’t

know their meanings, look them up in a dictionary.

1 As new students, you are embarking on an incredibly exciting and

challenging time, a time of expanding knowledge, relationships, view-

points, and achievements. In my role as vice president, I am constantly

striving to match that energy level so that we can offer the highest level

of service on this very diverse campus. I frequently marvel at college

students who seem to have an unlimited amount of energy that allows

them to attend classes, read and study, maintain a social life, run for

political ofﬁ ce, pursue a hobby, play an intramural sport, volunteer for

a worthy cause, hold down a job. We in the Division of Student Af-

fairs strongly encourage activities outside the classroom that enrich the

academic experience, as we recognize that a university education is en-

hanced through involvement in our campus community.

2 Last November, a group of Student Affairs staff, students, and fac-

ulty began work on creating a strategic plan for the division. They have

been laboring diligently on this document, and I am excited to share

with you the fruit of that labor, our newly developed Student Affairs

Strategic Plan, which has as its motto “Student Affairs: Where Life and

Learning Intersect.”

3 This phrase encapsulates the driving force behind the Division of

Student Affairs. We exist, in essence, to help students succeed and

grow, and we believe that growth and success must be measured in

many ways. Academic success is one gauge of how well students are

performing, but there are a variety of indicators other than grades. Those

who take the most from their college experience are those who recognize

that learning happens both inside and outside the classroom.

PAUSE: Are you

involved in any

campus activity?

Is there one you

might be inter-

ested in?

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 11 • Illustration 175

4 In fact, I recently had our units count the services they offer that are

collaborative efforts with the academic side of the family, and a rough

survey yielded 140 programs. This idea of integrated learning carries

through most of what we do, whether it is a program to recruit the

best students from around Texas like the Honors Colloquium, the

increasingly popular “Academic Community Centers” for studying

and advising on site in the residence halls, Summer Orientation, or the

professor-led Freshman Reading Round-Up book discussions.

Our Vision Statement

5 Our vision statement lights the path we are following to where we

aspire to be:

The Division of Student Affairs at The University of Texas at

Austin seeks to become the premier organization of its kind.

We envision a network of programs and services that excels in

meeting students’ out-of-classroom needs, complementing their

academic experiences, and building community on a diverse

campus. In doing so, we will contribute to developing citizens

and leaders who will thrive in and enrich an increasingly com-

plex world.

Our Mission

6 Our mission, or the explanation of what we do, is described this way:

The Division of Student Affairs facilitates students’ discovery of

self and the world in which they live. We enhance students’ edu-

cational experiences through programs and services that support

academic success. We provide for fundamental needs, including

shelter, nourishment, and a sense of security. We create environ-

ments that foster physical, emotional, and psychological wellness,

and advance healthy lifestyles. Student Affairs builds communities,

both real and virtual, that encourage inclusiveness, invite com-

munication, and add to the cultural richness of the institution. We

focus on personal development, including career decision making,

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WRITING ESSAYS

176 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

problem solving, and group dynamics, challenging students to

work both independently and as part of a team.

7 The work group that wrote the strategic plan also composed a

deﬁ ning phrase to encapsulate Student Affairs: “Our passion is com-

plete learning.” These, I hope you will agree, are stirring words. We

take our responsibility for providing an environment that is inclusive

and promotes a healthy lifestyle very seriously. We are committed to

supporting you as you achieve your goals at this university.

Our Core Values

8 Sharing a fundamental belief in the value of Student Affairs and its

ability to transform lives, we will pursue our vision by

• Focusing on the lifelong learning and personal growth of all mem-

bers of the university community;

• Engendering a community that is inclusive, accessible, and secure;

• Conducting ourselves and our programs with the highest integrity;

• Enhancing our services by creating opportunities to collaborate

and nurture partnerships;

• Challenging ourselves to move beyond the status quo and pursue

higher levels of excellence with determination and enthusiasm;

• Strengthening a tradition of quality, compassion, and an unwaver-

ing belief in students and ourselves;

• Demonstrating the innovation and courage to adapt to changing

conditions; and

• Realizing that both action and vision are necessary for a better

future.

9 Our society beneﬁ ts by having everyone educated, and education is

a process that requires everyone to be engaged in the advancement of

all peoples. The well-being of our state requires the next generation of

leaders and scholars to understand our new world. This means looking

at the process of education as more than four years in college, the mate-

rial in textbooks, or the contents of a classroom lecture but as a way to

improve the world.

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