Anker Susan. Real Essays with Readings with 2009 MLA Update

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 10 • Narration 157

your decisions. I had to continue to use my education to give him a

better life and to set an example for him to follow. I also had to ﬁ nish

what my mother didn’t: She had me at nineteen and gave in to pressure

to quit college and go to work.

4 I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment: I’ve learned so many

intangible lessons about myself; I’ve decided that I want to help other

young parents achieve their educational goals; and I see a better future

for my boys (I have two now). And I keep telling my mom that she

doesn’t have to live vicariously through me: She can return to college

any time she wants.

1. Double-underline the thesis statement. Note: It is not in the ﬁ rst

paragraph.

2. In which paragraph does Monique give the most detail to help us

understand her experience?

The ﬁ rst paragraph

3. What part of Monique’s narration could use more detail?

The third

paragraph, which covers many years

. Why?

Answers will vary but should

include that we don’t know how she got from feeling uncomfortable in

paragraph 1 to having a master’s degree in paragraph 3.

4. In Monique’s proﬁ le, the Background section gives some of the same

information that her essay does. How does her essay differ from the

background information?

It is more focused on her college experience,

the main point of the essay.

5. Does Monique’s essay have the four basics of good narration? Be

ready to explain your answer.

It does not provide details about the

whole college experience.

6. How does Monique’s experience of starting college compare to

Jordan’s? Which essay gives us more detail?

Answers will vary.

Narration in Everyday Life

The following is a blog written by a young marine who was blinded in

2005 while serving in Iraq. He received a medical retirement from the

Marine Corps.

PAUSE: Do you

have enough

information to

understand how

Monique got

through college?

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WRITING ESSAYS

158 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

VOCABULARY

The following words are italicized in the excerpt: Braille, battalion,

sombrero, adrenaline. If you don’t know their meanings, look them up

in a dictionary.

BACK TO SCHOOL

Michael Jernigan

1 Hola, amigos! Greetings from the great state of Virginia. It has been a

couple of months since my last post, and during that time I have been on

a couple of trips and even attended my ten-year high school reunion in

St. Petersburg, FL. It was nice to see some of the people that I have not

seen since graduation. I received a very warm welcome from everyone. As

it turns out, I am the only one who had a really good reason for having

plastic surgery! . . . But in all seriousness, I was very touched to receive

a plaque from my class thanking me for my service and sacriﬁ ce to our

country. They even had it engraved in Braille so that I can read it.

2 At the end of June, I went to Jacksonville, NC, for the opening

of the new Wounded Warrior Battalion. It was a wonderful ceremony

and I was able to meet the battalion commander. I ran into some of my

friends from National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, MD and also

a young marine, Adam, from my hometown. It was Adam’s mom who

sent me food from my favorite Cuban restaurant when I was ﬁ rst in the

hospital after being wounded.

3 I then went back to Camp Lejeune for the Fourth of July. The unit

I had gone to Iraq with had just come back from a deployment to the

Mediterranean Sea, and some of the guys and I wanted to welcome

them home with a nice party. After that, I was able to come back to

Virginia for a few weeks and register for school. I had to take a place-

ment exam and register for all of my classes.

4 In July, my girlfriend Leslie and I . . . took a cruise with my family

to Cozumel, Mexico. This was our ﬁ rst family vacation in several years.

We had a great time — there was food everywhere and bars on every

deck that were all too willing to part me from my money. We enjoyed

PAUSE: What is the

tone of this ﬁ rst

paragraph? How

does it compare

to Monique’s ﬁ rst

paragraph?

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 10 • Narration 159

spending time with my mom and stepdad and my brother and sisters.

I am glad that Leslie enjoyed herself because this was the ﬁ rst time

she was around my whole family. You should have seen me on board

ship after the day in Cozumel. I went from bar to bar with my sombrero

speaking my best Spanglish.

5 In August, Leslie and I also went to Albuquerque, NM, where we

attended the Blinded Veterans Association’s national convention. We

were there as part of a program called Operation Peer Support. This

program is designed so that newly blinded veterans can meet other

veterans who have been at this for a lot longer than we have.

6 During this trip, I went skydiving. It was one of the most fun things I

have ever done. I was very calm until they opened the door of the plane.

At that moment, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a very long time — a

strange mixture of adrenaline, excitement, and fear. I jumped at 10,500

feet and had a 31-second freefall. On landing, I got my foot caught in

the dirt and strained my right knee. As soon as I was off the ground, I

was doing a TV interview for a local news channel. It’s a good thing they

edited it because I had no idea I was being interviewed. Since I could

not see the camera and microphone, I just thought a guy was asking me

some questions. A family friend called my mom at 12:30 a.m. to see if

“Mikey was in Albuquerque” because he had just seen me on the news!

It’s not the ﬁ rst time that my mom has gotten a call like that.

7 Well, now the school year has started, and I’m currently taking ten

credit hours at Northern Virginia Community College and enjoying it.

I haven’t been in school for ten years, and that would be hard enough,

but now I’m doing it blind. Brittani, my guide dog, is my eyes on cam-

pus. It is hard teaching her to read the textbooks, but give it awhile and

we’ll see.

8 Let me tell you about the frustrations I had at the beginning. In

one class, I received textbooks on CDs, only to ﬁ nd that the school had

never ordered me the proper reader for the CDs. I am still waiting on

three textbooks: I thought six weeks’ notice would have been plenty of

time for them to get me everything I needed.

PAUSE: Does

Michael give details

to help us imagine

“doing it blind”?

PAUSE: What

frustrations did you

experience at the

start of college?

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WRITING ESSAYS

160 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

9 I am lucky that all of my classes are in the same building, but it can

be stressful going from class to class because the hallways are crowded,

and there aren’t any landmarks. I have found that my fellow students are

very helpful in pointing me in the right direction. And I am extremely

lucky that my professors are cooperative and helpful in adapting to my

unique conditions.

10 Keep checking and reading my blog, as I will be sharing a lot more

with y’all in the near future.

— From “Home Fires: Five Iraq War Veterans on Their

Return to American Life,” NYTimes.com, Sept. 18, 2007

1. Because this is a blog, there is no thesis statement. Try writing a

thesis statement for the piece.

2. What paragraph has the most vivid details?

Either paragraph 4 or 6

3. What impression do you have of Michael? Underline some examples

that give you that impression.

Answers will vary but should include traits such as upbeat, funny, or

optimistic.

4. Is “Back to School” a good title for this essay? Write another title.

Answers will vary.

5. What one word in the essay would be too informal for a formal essay?

(Did it stand out as you read it?)

y’all

Critical Reading and Writing:

Key College Skills

1. Summary. Brieﬂ y summarize the three essays in this section, listing major

events. At the end, write your impression of each person’s experience.

2. Analysis. Compare the ﬁ rst paragraphs of each of the three essays.

How are they different? The same? All of the authors discuss their re-

turn to college. Which gives you the fullest description of their experi-

ence? Which essay makes you wish you’d been given more details? Why?

3. Synthesis. Using information from all three essays, along with your

own experience, write about the different reasons students go to college,

■ TEACHING TIP

The four assignments

that follow can be

done either in writing

or in a class discussion.

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 10 • Narration 161

the difﬁ culties of returning to college, or how the ﬁ rst days are always

uncomfortable.

4. Evaluation. Using the four basics of good narration as a measure,

decide which of the three essays is the best as a formal narration. Give

speciﬁ c examples to support your choice. Is your choice for best essay

different from the one you liked most? How? Answers will vary, but stu-

dents should be able to defend their choice with speciﬁ c examples.

Write a Narration Essay

In this section, you will write your own narration essay based on one of the

following assignments. Before you begin to write, review the four basics of

good narration on page 147. Also, read the Tips for Tackling Narration

in the box that follows.

TIPS FOR TACKLING NARRATION

Read the assignment carefully, highlighting key words. A nar-

ration assignment won’t necessarily include the word narrate.

Instead, it might say describe or recall or recount or tell about

a time.

2. Then, choose an event or experience. What’s important about

it? Why? Start out by drafting a thesis statement that states

the signiﬁ cance.

3. Work on answering the questions “What happened, and

when? Then what?”

4. Ask yourself: So what? Your essay should answer that question.

ASSIGNMENT 1 WRITING ABOUT COLLEGE, WORK,

AND EVERYDAY LIFE

Write a narration essay on one of the following topics or on a topic of your

own choice.

COLLEGE

• Write about your ﬁ rst experiences of college, as Jordan, Monique, and

Michael did.

• Explain what led you to start college.

• Summarize an interesting story you learned in one of your other classes,

such as psychology or history.

■ Use the chart on

page 152 to help you

organize.

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WRITING ESSAYS

162 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

WORK

• Tell the story of something positive you did at work (some

achievement).

• Explain what you learned from getting or doing your ﬁ rst job.

• Describe an incident that shows your boss as

(supportive/unsupportive, fair/unfair, clueless/sharp, realistic/unrealistic,

honest/dishonest).

EVERYDAY LIFE

• Recount a time that you took a risk.

• Recount the most embarrassing, rewarding, happy, or otherwise

memorable moment in your life.

• Write about a time when you were proud or ashamed of your behavior.

ASSIGNMENT 2 WRITING ABOUT AN IMAGE

Write a narration essay about what has happened (or is happening) in the

picture on the opposite page. Be as creative as you like, but be sure to follow

the four basics of good narration.

ASSIGNMENT 3 WRITING TO SOLVE

A PROBLEM

THE PROBLEM: You order a computer from a mail-order company, but it doesn’t

work properly. You try every step from the online help guide, but nothing

works. Then, after holding for a half hour on the customer-service line, you

learn that you “might” get a refund after returning the computer and that the

process could take as long as two months. You tell the phone rep that this

policy is unacceptable. The rep, who suggests that others have complained

about the company’s refund practices, urges you to write an e-mail to the

company’s customer satisfaction service. He adds, “That’s deﬁ nitely gotten

results in the past.” You decide that’s what you’ll do.

THE ASSIGNMENT: Working on your own or with a small group, write a courte-

ous but ﬁ rm e-mail to the company, Computers Inc., describing your prob-

lems with the computer and with the company’s refund practices. Ask for a

replacement, give a desired deadline, and indicate the steps you are prepared

to take if you don’t get satisfaction.

■ RESOURCES

Additional Resources

for Teaching REAL ESSAYS

has visual planning

forms that will help

students draft

narration and the

other essays covered

in Part Two. These

forms are also online

at bedfordstmartins

.com/realessays.

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 10 • Narration 163

RESOURCES: Review the chart on pages 868–69 for general advice about

problem solving. You might also visit Web sites like Complaints.com (www

.complaints.com) for ideas about how to phrase your complaint and what

evidence to include. At Complaints.com, see especially the links “Browse Com-

plaints” and the complaint posting guidelines (under “How It Works”). List

any Web sites that you use.

■ Be sure to cite

and document any

sources you use in

your papers. For

advice, see Chapter 21.

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WRITING ESSAYS

164 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

ASSIGNMENT 4 WRITING ABOUT READINGS

The assignments that follow ask you to read at least two different examples of

narration and draw from them to write your own essay.

• Read Uzodinma Iweala’s essay, “A Close Encounter” (p. 749), and

review Jordan Brown’s “A Return to Education” (p. 153). What les-

son does each learn, and how does each writer’s initial assumptions

about the situation change? Write an essay about an event or situation

where you learned something new, and refer to Iweala’s and Brown’s

essays when possible. Also, consider using dialogue (conversation

between characters) as Iweala does. (For information on quoting,

see pp. 361–65.)

• Read the essays in this chapter (Jordan Brown’s, Monique Rizer’s, and

Michael Jernigan’s). All are about education, especially the experience

of returning to school after an absence. Drawing from each of these

pieces, write an essay about situations or circumstances that made you

feel odd about being in school or that were difﬁ cult for you.

• Read Langston Hughes’s essay, “Salvation” (p. 745), and review Jordan

Brown’s and Monique Rizer’s essays in this chapter. These three narra-

tives include the experience of wanting to ﬁ t in, but with different out-

comes. Write an essay about a time you felt pressured to ﬁ t in, the ways

you responded, and the outcome. Draw from the readings to relate your

experience to that of the other writers.

Follow the steps in the Writing Guide starting below to help you prewrite, draft,

revise, and edit your narration. Check off each step as you complete it.

■ TEAMWORK

Have students, in pairs

or small groups, share

their plans for their

narrative. Classmates

can evaluate the order

of the plan and sug-

gest other supporting

details.

WRITING GUIDE: NARRATION

STEPS IN NARRATION HOW TO DO THE STEPS

Focus.

■

■ Think about who will read your narration and what point

you want your readers to understand.

Prewrite to explore your

topic.

See Chapter 4 for more on

prewriting.

■

■ Determine your purpose for writing.

■

■ Decide what story you want to tell.

■

■ Use a prewriting technique to explore your thoughts about

what happened; how it affected you or others; and what the

story shows, explains, or proves.

■ For advice

on summarizing,

analyzing, synthesizing,

and evaluating, see

pages 36–40.

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Chapter 10 • Narration 165

STEPS IN NARRATION HOW TO DO THE STEPS

Write a thesis statement.

Topic + main point =

Thesis

My father has become a

stranger.

See Chapter 5 for more on

writing a thesis.

■

■ Decide what is important to you about the story. Imagine a

reader saying, “So what?”

■

■ Specify the point you want your readers to understand.

■

■ Write a thesis statement that will begin or end your ﬁ rst

paragraph.

Support your thesis

statement.

The primary support points

in narration are the major

events of the story you want

to tell.

See Chapter 6 for more on

supporting a thesis statement.

■

■ List all of the major events in the story.

■

■ Review your thesis, and drop any events that do not help

you explain, show, or prove your main point. Make your

thesis more speciﬁ c.

■

■ Choose at least three major events that will help your

readers understand your main point.

■

■ Add supporting details about each event that will help your

readers experience it as you did.

Make a plan.

See Chapter 7 for more on

planning.

■

■ Arrange your major events according to when they occurred

(chronological order).

■

■ Write a plan or an outline for your narration that includes

your main support points (the major events) and supporting

details for each event. (See the diagram on p. 152.)

Write a draft.

See Chapter 8 for more on

drafting.

■

■ Write an introduction that gets your readers’ interest and

presents your thesis statement. See if you can use one of the

introductory techniques in Chapter 8.

■

■ Using your outline, write a topic sentence for each of the

major events.

■

■ Write body paragraphs that give speciﬁ c details that bring

the story to life.

■

■ Write a concluding paragraph that reminds your readers of

your main point and makes a ﬁ nal observation about the

importance of the story.

■

■ Title your essay.

Revise your draft.

See Chapter 9 for more on

revising a draft.

■

■ Ask another person to read and comment on your draft.

■

■ Consider how you can make the point of the story clearer to

your readers.

■

■ Revise your thesis to make it more forceful.

■

■ Make sure all of the events and details support your thesis.

Add details that strengthen your support, and cut any details

that aren’t relevant.

continued

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WRITING ESSAYS

166 Part Two • Writing Different Kinds of Essays

STEPS IN NARRATION HOW TO DO THE STEPS

Revise your draft (cont.).

■

■ Reread your introduction, and make changes if it is dull.

■

■ Reread your conclusion to make sure that it is energetic and

convincing and that it reminds your readers of your main

point.

■

■ Add transitions (especially time transitions) to connect your

ideas.

■

■ Make at least ﬁ ve changes to your draft to improve unity,

support, or coherence (see pp. 127–40).

■

■ Check to make sure the draft follows the four basics of good

narration.

Edit your draft.

See Parts Four through Seven

for more on editing.

■

■ Use the spell checker and grammar checker on your

computer, but also reread your essay carefully to catch any

errors.

■

■ Look for errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation. Focus

ﬁ rst on sentence fragments, run-ons, errors in subject-verb

agreement, verb errors, and other areas where you know

you often make mistakes.

■

■ Ask yourself: Is this the best I can do?

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