a bicycle across a gap in front of the unbelieving eyes of the Germans (having
calculated that the enemy’s incredulity would assure his safety), all made plain
what “Bombo” Haldane himself admitted: He was having a ball in war.
16
And so when he clambered into the Prince of Wales’s car after having been
blasted at Aubers it would not be the last time he was wounded. JBS was
cocksure, and entitled. His zeal for battle was so great that he was once pushed
midaction into a ditch by his own gunners, unenthused about the retaliatory fire
his immanent mortar would draw to their battery. Still, his men respected him,
revered him, even. With his imposing frame, premature balding head, massive
forehead and Celtic-warrior-like mustache, he looked like an “alert walrus” in a
skirt. It was alternately comical and bloodcurdling. What other officer in the
trenches was writing a scientific paper with his sister describing one of the
first-ever examples of genetic linkage in mammals? What other officer, as a
confidence-building measure, made smoking compulsory in his bomb-making
workshop (he was selecting out the fainthearted)? And what officer had been
hurriedly called away at the behest of his uncle, the lord chancellor, in order to put
his mind to that of his father’s at a makeshift lab in Saint-Omer, the quicker to
meet the challenge of German gas attacks on Allied forces in Belgium?
17
Haldane’s men had heard many Oxford stories. How, in 1913, blacklegs had been
hired by the municipality to replace the striking horse-tram drivers. With their
services provided, the drivers’ demands went unmet, and successive attempts to
unharness the stand-in horses were defeated by baton-wielding bobbies. Until
JBS came along, that is. Marching up and down Cornmarket Street, solo, in
solidarity with the workers, chanting the Athanasian Creed and the Latin psalm
Eructavit cor meum, Jack drew a crowd, blocking the blacklegs and allowing the
strikers to set loose their horses: “A scene-stealing cameo role, a feat of memory,
a lengthy canonical Latin quotation, a snook cocked at authority and an Oxonian
irony: with this piece of street theatre, JBS established his modus operandi.”
18
The
university fined him two guineas. It was “the first case for over three centuries,”
Haldane boasted, “when a man was punished in Oxford for publicly professing
the principles of the Church of England.”
Often dismissive and always demanding, Jack nevertheless had a soft spot for the
underdog, and his men and commanding officers could feel it.
19
He was also
fiercely loyal: He was wounded twice trying to get back to his brigade from
Saint-Omer after he and Uffer gassed themselves silly with chlorine. Haldane’s
prodigious talents and his love for genetics and the everyman would in due course
propel him to fame. In the meantime he was back in action on the Mesopotamian
front, and injured again in a valiant attempt to gain control over a fire in a bomb
depot at the end of 1916. Presently he was lying bandaged in a military hospital. If
a war hero had to be selected for increased procreation, J. B. S. Haldane would
have won out over anyone.
We can no more accept the principle of arbitrary and casual variation and