him. He visited metalworkers, stonecutters, goldsmiths, alchemists,
weavers, watchmakers, printers, dyers, and "giving them somewhat to
drink," studied their crafts; he took part every day in some useful
physical work; and sometimes he went to a lecture, or a trial, or to
"the sermons of evangelical preachers" (a Protestant touch).
Amid all this education Gargantua was suddenly called back to his
father's realm, for another king, Picrochole, had declared war on
Grangousier. Why? Rabelais steals a story from Plutarch's Life of
Pyrrhus, and tells how Picrochole's generals boasted of the lands
they would conquer under his leadership: France, Spain, Portugal,
Algeria, Italy, Sicily, Crete, Cyprus, Rhodes, Greece, Jerusalem....
Picrochole rejoices and swells. But an old philosopher asks him: "What
shall be the end of so many labors and crosses?" "When we return,"
answers Picrochole, "we shall sit down, rest, and be merry." "But,"
suggests the philosopher, "if by chance you should never come back,
for the voyage is long and dangerous, were it not better for us to
take our rest now?" "Enough," cried Picrochole; "go forward; I fear
nothing.... He that loves me, follow me" (I, xxxiii). Gargantua's
horse almost wins the war against Picrochole by drowning thousands
of the enemy with one simple easement.
But the real hero of the war was Friar John, a monk who loved
fighting more than praying, and who let his philosophical curiosity
venture into the most dangerous alleys. "What is the reason," he asks,
"that the thighs of a gentlewoman are always fresh and cool?"- and
though he finds nothing about this engaging problem in Aristotle or
Plutarch, he himself gives answers rich in femoral erudition. All
the King's men like him, feed and wine him to his paunch's content;
they invite him to take off his monastic robe to allow more eating,
but he fears that without it he will not have so good an appetite. All
the faults that the Protestant reformers alleged against the monks are
satirized through this jolly member of their tribe: their idleness,
gluttony, guzzling, prayer-mumbling, and hostility to all but a
narrowing range of study and ideas. "In our abbey," says Friar John,
"we never study, for fear of the mumps" (I, xxxix).
Gargantua proposed to reward the Friar's good fighting by making him
abbot of an existing monastery, but John begged instead to be given
the means of establishing a new abbey, with rules "contrary to all