Anker Susan. Real Essays with Readings with 2009 MLA Update
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WRITING ESSAYS
Chapter 5 • Making a Point 77
■ TEAMWORK
In small groups, have
students identify the
thesis statements in
two or three of the
readings at the back
of the book, and then
discuss how well those
statements meet the
criteria for good thesis
statements. Juliet B.
Schor’s “Age Compres-
sion” (p. 000) and
Bharati Mukherjee’s
“Two Ways to Belong
in America” (p. 000)
have clear, identifi able
thesis statements.
Internships offer excellent learning opportunities — seeing how people
dress and act in offi ces, fi nding out the kinds of jobs the business has, and
meeting people who are good future connections for you.
The job market for students is very tight, but there are things you can
do to help get a job in your fi eld, such as asking for an informational
interview, networking, or getting an internship.
Write a Thesis That Is Neither
Too Broad Nor Too Narrow
Your thesis should fi t the size of the essay assignment. A thesis that is
too broad is impossible to support fully in a short essay: There is just too
much to cover well. A thesis that is too narrow doesn’t give you enough
to write a whole essay on.
TOO BROAD Family is an essential part of life.
[Both family and life are broad concepts, and the thesis would be impossible to
explain in a short essay.]
REVISED Time spent with my children is a welcome balance to
time spent at work.
TOO BROAD The Industrial Revolution was important in this country.
[The Industrial Revolution is too broad to cover in an essay.]
REVISED Women played an important role in Lowell,
Massachusetts, during the Industrial Revolution.
A thesis that is too narrow leaves the writer with little to show, explain,
or prove. It can also make the reader think, “So what?”
TOO NARROW My family members all have the same middle name.
[Once the writer says what the middle name is, there isn’t much more to say,
unless there’s an interesting family story explaining why everyone has it.]
REVISED An interesting event from long ago explains why my
family members all have the same middle name.
TOO NARROW I made my blog entry this morning.
REVISED Blogging connects me to other people and their ideas.
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WRITING ESSAYS
78 Part One • How to Read and Write in College
Write a Thesis That Is Specifi c
A strong thesis statement gives readers specifi c information so that they
know exactly what the writer’s main point is.
GENERAL Writing is important for my job.
[Why is writing important for your job, and what kind of job do you have?]
SPECIFIC Although my primary job, as a nurse, is to care for
others, I’ve found that I also need good writing skills.
[This thesis tells us that the job is nursing and suggests that the essay will discuss
the types of writing a nurse does.]
One good way to be specifi c is to let your readers know what you will
be discussing in your essay. This prepares them for what’s to come.
MORE SPECIFIC As a nurse, my ability to write clearly is essential in
documents such as patient reports, status notes to nurses
on other shifts, and e-mails to other hospital staff.
[This thesis tells the reader specifi c kinds of writing the essay will discuss.]
GENERAL Next month is a big one for me.
SPECIFIC Next month will bring several important events.
MORE SPECIFIC Next month will bring several important events: My
family is moving, I will be graduating, and I will be
having a baby.
Write a Thesis That You Can Show,
Explain, or Prove
If a thesis is so obvious that it doesn’t need support or if it states a known
fact, you won’t be able to say much about it.
OBVIOUS Most teenagers drive.
Many people own pets.
Guns can kill people.
REVISED The high accident rates among new teen drivers could be
reduced with better and more extended driver training.
In many households, pets get all the respect and
privileges of a family member.
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WRITING ESSAYS
Chapter 5 • Making a Point 79
Accidental handgun deaths could be prevented through
three sensible measures.
FACT A growing number of American children are overweight.
Our city has reported a 10 percent increase in racial-
profi ling cases since 2001.
Each year, more companies outsource jobs to foreign
workers.
REVISED We must, as a nation, act to reduce obesity in our
children.
Although racial profi ling remains a serious problem, our
city has taken some innovative steps to address it.
As more companies export jobs to foreign countries, we
will see numerous negative effects.
Write a Thesis That Is Forceful and Confi dent
A strong thesis statement should be forceful and defi nite. Avoid writing a
thesis statement that begins, “In this essay I will show. . . .” Don’t say you
will make a point. Just make it.
WEAK In this essay, I will prove that high school dropouts have
a diffi cult time in life.
FORCEFUL High school dropouts can expect to face surprising
hardships in life.
Also, some words and phrases — such as “maybe” and “I think” — can
indicate you lack confi dence in your main point. Avoid them.
WEAK I think you have to be careful when buying a used car.
FORCEFUL Before buying a used car, get some basic information so
that you don’t pay more than you need to.
WEAK Maybe it is time to evaluate our monthly spending.
FORCEFUL We need to seriously review our monthly spending.
The practices that follow will help you write a good thesis statement.
The fi rst practice will help you develop a thesis statement from a narrowed
topic. The rest of the practices focus on the basics of a good thesis state-
ment (p. 74).
■ Note that the re-
vised thesis statements
in this chapter take
a clear stand on
issues and express a
particular point of
view. Starting with
a topic that you
care about can help.
For more advice on
choosing a topic, see
Chapter 4.
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WRITING ESSAYS
80 Part One • How to Read and Write in College
PRACTICE 1 DEVELOP A THESIS STATEMENT FROM
A NARROWED TOPIC
For each item, write a thesis statement from the narrowed topic.
EXAMPLE
GENERAL TOPIC NARROWED TOPIC THESIS
Foreign languages Learning a foreign Learning a foreign
language language has many
benefi ts.
GENERAL TOPIC NARROWED TOPIC THESIS
1. A memory My fi rst date
Answers will vary.
2. Music My favorite kind of music
3. Friendship My best friend
4. Owning a car Costs of owning a car
5. Reality TV (One show that you watch)
PRACTICE 2 WRITE THESIS STATEMENTS THAT FOCUS
ON A SINGLE MAIN POINT
Rewrite the following thesis statements so that they focus on just one of the
points made. You can add information to make the statements more specifi c.
EXAMPLE: Juggling college and other responsibilities can be chal-
lenging, and rising college costs are putting higher education out of
reach for many.
Juggling college and other responsibilities can be challenging.
1. Planning for college fi nancial aid should begin long before a student’s fi rst
year of college, and prospective students should also draw up a budget
that includes all of their projected expenses.
Answers will vary.
Language Note: A verb + -ing can be the subject of a sentence, as
“learning” is in this sample thesis.
■ RESOURCES
To gauge students’
understanding of thesis
statements and other
writing and grammar
issues, use the Testing
Tool Kit CD available
with this book.
■ For practice
identifying thesis
statements, visit
Exercise Central at
bedfordstmartins
.com/realessays.
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WRITING ESSAYS
Chapter 5 • Making a Point 81
2. My fi rst job taught me the importance of cooperation, and I also learned
how to manage my time effectively.
3. For several reasons, I’ll never own my own business, but I do have what
it takes to be a top athlete.
4. Organizations can reduce absenteeism by telling workers about several
measures to prevent colds and fl u, and they can increase morale by offer-
ing benefi ts such as discounts on gym memberships.
5. Given recent violent incidents, Riverside Mall needs to increase security,
and the mall should also do a better job of plowing its parking lots in the
winter.
PRACTICE 3 WRITE THESIS STATEMENTS THAT ARE
NOT TOO BROAD OR TOO NARROW
Read the following thesis statements, and decide whether they are too broad,
too narrow, or the right size for a short essay. For statements that are too
broad, write “B” in the space to the left; for statements that are too narrow,
write “N”; and for statements that are the right size, write “OK.”
EXAMPLE:
N
My dog will be ten years old next month.
B
1. Hinduism is a fascinating religion.
B
2. I love food.
OK
3. Being a vegetarian offers a wide range of food choices.
B
4. There are many vegetarians in this country.
N
5. Another gourmet coffee shop opened last week, the third
one on a single block.
PRACTICE 4 WRITE THESIS STATEMENTS THAT ARE SPECIFIC
Rewrite each of the following thesis statements by adding at least two specifi c
details.
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WRITING ESSAYS
82 Part One • How to Read and Write in College
EXAMPLE: Electronic devices in high schools can be a huge problem.
Cell phones that ring during a high school class disrupt students’
concentration and learning.
1. I have a lot of useful skills.
Answers will vary.
2. Studying is hard.
3. I have always had trouble writing.
4. Children have more allergies now than in the past.
5. After I was robbed, I had many feelings.
PRACTICE 5 WRITE THESIS STATEMENTS THAT YOU CAN
SHOW, EXPLAIN, OR PROVE
Each of the following items is either obvious or a fact and therefore diffi cult
to write about. Rewrite each sentence so that it would give you something to
write in an essay.
EXAMPLE: I have lived in this town for fourteen years. [Fact]
In the fourteen years I have lived in this town, I’ve learned a lot about small
towns.
1. Many teenagers experiment with drugs.
Answers will vary.
2. Every year my college tuition goes up.
3. I make $8.00 an hour.
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WRITING ESSAYS
Chapter 5 • Making a Point 83
4. I have just fi nished my fi rst college course.
5. Sports stars make huge salaries.
PRACTICE 6 WRITE FORCEFUL THESIS STATEMENTS
Rewrite the weak thesis statements that follow to make them more forceful.
EXAMPLE: In my opinion, my dog, Kayla, understands me better
than any human being does.
My dog, Kayla, understands me better than any human being does.
1. I will explain some examples of history repeating itself.
Answers will vary.
2. This college could have better parking facilities.
3. Given that I’ve improved my job performance and shown a lot of initia-
tive, I’m pretty sure I’ll get a raise this year.
4. It would be a good idea to warn young people about the possible dangers
of crystal meth.
5. In this paper, I’ll describe three reasons why going to college has been a
challenge for me.
PRACTICE 7 REVISING THESIS STATEMENTS
In the spaces provided below, revise each of the possible thesis statements
that you wrote in Practice 1, improving them according to the basics of a
good thesis statement (p. 74). Again, think of a statement that you would be
interested in writing about. You may want to add more information to your
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WRITING ESSAYS
84 Part One • How to Read and Write in College
thesis statements to make them more specifi c and forceful, but short, punchy
thesis statements also can be very powerful.
POSSIBLE THESIS: When the sun is shining, people’s moods improve.
REVISED THESIS: Bright sunshine dramatically improves people’s moods.
1.
Answers will vary depending on the answers in Practice 1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Write Your Own Thesis Statement
A thesis statement doesn’t have to come at the beginning of the fi rst para-
graph. Experienced writers may not get to the thesis for a few paragraphs,
or they may imply their main point rather than state it in a single sentence.
In most college writing, however, you’ll need to have a clearly identifi able
thesis statement, and it should be either the fi rst or last sentence of your
fi rst paragraph. Your instructor may have a preference for putting the thesis
statement as the fi rst or last sentence in the fi rst paragraph; if not, you can
choose. In the following two paragraphs, one has the thesis statement fi rst,
and one has it last.
THESIS FIRST
Bright sunshine dramatically improves people’s moods because of its
effects on our brains. Most people know this from experience because they
tend to feel better during the long, sunny days of summer. In the shorter,
darker days of winter, people usually feel more tired and less energetic. Until
quite recently, people assumed that this was a psychological reaction, often
tied, at least in the United States, with childhood memories of the long,
happy, carefree days of summer when schools were shut down. But recently
we’ve learned that feeling better in summer isn’t just in our heads.
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WRITING ESSAYS
Chapter 5 • Making a Point 85
THESIS LAST
Do you feel different during the different seasons? For many of us, the
short, dark days of winter are diffi cult: We feel tired, and we lack energy.
Most of us want to sleep more and eat hearty, hot meals. In the bright,
sunny days of summer, though, we come alive. Until quite recently, people
assumed that this was a psychological reaction, often tied, at least in the
United States, with childhood memories of the long, happy, carefree days
of summer when schools were shut down. But recently we’ve learned that
feeling better in summer isn’t just in our heads. Bright sunshine dramati-
cally improves people’s moods because of its effects on our brains.
What will both essays go on to describe?
how sunshine affects the brain
Remember, the thesis statement you write fi rst is a draft thesis: You can
modify it as often as you like while you write your essay.
Before selecting a writing assignment, read how a student, Derek
Johnson, developed a thesis statement from his narrowed topic. Before
writing his thesis, Derek did some freewriting about it.
GENERAL TOPIC Reality TV shows
NARROWED TOPIC The Apprentice
FREEWRITING: Some people think reality TV is stupid, and some of it
is, but there are also some good shows where you can learn a lot. Like
The Apprentice. This show shows real business situations and you get
to watch really smart people try to fi gure out how to do something in
the business world so they will be chosen as Trump’s apprentice. Trump
is a very rich man and knows the business world, and working for him
would be a great experience and probably have a good salary too. You
actually learn stuff while watching TV and it’s entertaining too. Other
shows like Fear Factor are just dumb but some are excellent.
Next, Derek decided on what point he wanted to make about The
Apprentice:
POINT The Apprentice is really a good show.
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WRITING ESSAYS
86 Part One • How to Read and Write in College
He then wrote a draft thesis statement:
DRAFT THESIS STATEMENT The Apprentice, a reality television show, is
good because it can teach you a lot.
Finally, Derek revised his thesis statement to make it more specifi c and
forceful:
REVISED THESIS STATEMENT The Apprentice is an example of good
reality television, where viewers can learn
many useful lessons about the business
world.
As you write your essay, you will probably tinker with your thesis
statement along the way, but the process that Derek followed should get
you off to a good start.
WRITING ASSIGNMENT
Write a thesis statement using the narrowed topic and ideas you developed in
Chapter 4 or one of the following topics (which will need to be narrowed).
Friendship Fashion/style A good cause
Drug use Computer games A waste of time
Good gifts Stolen identity A news item of interest
Exercise Foreign customs Lying
Before writing, read the Critical Thinking box on the next page.
■ TEACHING TIP
Even if you do not
plan to read a stu-
dent’s entire fi rst draft,
it always helps to
check the thesis state-
ment. You can prevent
problems by helping
the student refi ne his
or her main point.
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