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People also lie
about
their accomplishments. In recent years, a number
of
well-known p
eople-from
coaches and business executives to college
professors and journalist
s-have
admitted that they have lied about their
pasts. Many research psychologists say that we should
not
quickly criticize
such people because most
of
us lie in the same ways at times. "Each
of
us
creates
our
own personal m
yth-our
own
stor
y about ourselves;' Ford says.
That
story
oft
en exaggerates some facts while leaving
out
others.
Dishonesty is also very common in romantic relationships. According
to
Dor
y Hollander, psychologist and author
of
101
Lie
s
Men
Tell
VlIam
en
) 85
percent
of
the couples interviewed in a 19
90
study
of
college students
reported that one or both partners had lied to each other. Bella DePaulo, a
psychologist at the University of Virginia, also found that dating couples lie
to
each other about 33 percent
of
the tlin
e-perhap
s even
mor
e often than
they lie to
oth
er people. Fortunately, husbands
and
wives are
not
as deceptive.
Spouses lie to each other in ab
out
ten percent
of
their major conversations.
Researchers argue that in some cases telling lies actually helps us connect
with other people. DePaulo argues that some lying is necessary in everyday life.
"It would be a disaster
if
everybody were totally hon est," she says. She reported
an experiment in which one
of
her students tried to avoid telling lies for
several
weeks.
The
task was so difficult that the student was unable
to
complete his research and had to apologize to a lot
of
people afterward.
Certain cultures may place special importance on
whit
e
lie
s. (A
whit
e lie is a lie about a very unimportant
matter or one that is meant
to
avoid hurting the
listener's feelings.) A survey showed that only about
half
of
Korean Americans believe that doctors should
not
tell patients the
truth
if
they are dying. In
contrast, nearly 90 percent of Americans
of
European or African descent felt that the patients
should know the truth.
It's also
not
surprising that research shows that
we are
mor
e likely to tell white lies to people we are
close to.
Thi
s is especially true
of
women. Although the sexes lie with equal
frequency, women are especially likely to lie in order to protect someone's
feelings. Men, on the
oth
er hand, more often lie about themselves.
Everyone who believes that lies are always bad should think about what
would happen if we always told the truth. It
might
seem like the world
would be a better place.
On
the
oth
er hand, all that
hon
esty mi
ght
destroy
our
ability to connect with
oth
ers. Let's face
it-lying
oft
en makes
our
social lives easier. Continual lying is clearly a problem,
but
would we really
want to get rid of all
of
our
lies?