Издательство New Harbinger Publications, 2006, -324 pp.
Second Edition
Being in an intimate relationship can be one of the keenest human joys and one of the greatest sources of pain. Love begins with so much hope: the dream of one day feeling known, accepted to the core; the dream of belonging, of protecting and being safe; the dream of deep passion; the dream of a lasting bond. But hope collides with the realities of love: needs do not fit, anger divides, judgments erode the once easy acceptance, loneliness fills parallel but distant lives.
What makes intimacy work? Some say it is the strength of your dream, the strength of your commitment to love itself. Others say it’s a matter of luck, the good fortune of finding that most excellent fit. Others say you must have passion or sharing or mutual interests or common values.
After exploring hundreds of relationships, we’ve concluded that the people who make intimacy work have certain skills. That’s why we’ve called this book Couple Skills. In case after case, relationships that endure and deepen are formed by couples who know and practice basic interpersonal skills: listening, clear communication, negotiation, handling anger appropriately, and so on.
That’s good news because you can lea a new skill by reading and practicing. It’s a lot harder to change your luck or your feelings of passion or your core values.
This book will help you develop and polish the skills you need to keep love alive. In creating such a book, we’ve had to depart from some common approaches taken in other self-help books. This book is different in three ways.
Basic Skills
Listening
Expressing Feelings and Scripting Needs
Reciprocal Reinforcement
Advanced Skills
Clean Communication
Identifying and Changing Cognitive Distortions
Negotiation
Problem Solving
Anger and Conflict
Assessing and Changing Aversive Strategies
Coping with Anger
Coping with an Angry Partner
Time-Out
Understanding and Changing What Goes Wrong
Identifying Schemas About Your Partner
Old Tapes: Separating Your Partner from Your Parents
Coping with Your Defenses
Identifying Your Couple System
Intervening in Your System
Expectations and Rules
Acceptance and Commitment for Couples
Second Edition
Being in an intimate relationship can be one of the keenest human joys and one of the greatest sources of pain. Love begins with so much hope: the dream of one day feeling known, accepted to the core; the dream of belonging, of protecting and being safe; the dream of deep passion; the dream of a lasting bond. But hope collides with the realities of love: needs do not fit, anger divides, judgments erode the once easy acceptance, loneliness fills parallel but distant lives.
What makes intimacy work? Some say it is the strength of your dream, the strength of your commitment to love itself. Others say it’s a matter of luck, the good fortune of finding that most excellent fit. Others say you must have passion or sharing or mutual interests or common values.
After exploring hundreds of relationships, we’ve concluded that the people who make intimacy work have certain skills. That’s why we’ve called this book Couple Skills. In case after case, relationships that endure and deepen are formed by couples who know and practice basic interpersonal skills: listening, clear communication, negotiation, handling anger appropriately, and so on.
That’s good news because you can lea a new skill by reading and practicing. It’s a lot harder to change your luck or your feelings of passion or your core values.
This book will help you develop and polish the skills you need to keep love alive. In creating such a book, we’ve had to depart from some common approaches taken in other self-help books. This book is different in three ways.
Basic Skills
Listening
Expressing Feelings and Scripting Needs
Reciprocal Reinforcement
Advanced Skills
Clean Communication
Identifying and Changing Cognitive Distortions
Negotiation
Problem Solving
Anger and Conflict
Assessing and Changing Aversive Strategies
Coping with Anger
Coping with an Angry Partner
Time-Out
Understanding and Changing What Goes Wrong
Identifying Schemas About Your Partner
Old Tapes: Separating Your Partner from Your Parents
Coping with Your Defenses
Identifying Your Couple System
Intervening in Your System
Expectations and Rules
Acceptance and Commitment for Couples