268 CHAPTER 4 BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS BY COMMUNICATING SUPPORTIVELY
LEONARDO: Yeah, and when he said that I felt he was attacking me personally.
But, on the other hand, I was also angry because I thought my plans were very good,
and, you know, I paid close attention to every detail in those plans.
SUSETTE: I’m certain that you did.
LEONARDO: It just really ticks me off.
SUSETTE: I’ll bet it does. I would be upset, too.
LEONARDO: Schmidt has something against me.
SUSETTE: After all the effort you put into those plans, you still couldn’t figure out
whether Schmidt was rejecting you or your plans, right?
LEONARDO: Yeah. Right. How could you tell?
SUSETTE: I can really understand your confusion and uncertainty when you felt
Schmidt’s actions were unreasonable.
LEONARDO: I just don’t understand why he did what he did.
SUSETTE: Sure. If he said your plans were unrealistic, what does that mean? I
mean, how can you deal with a rationale like that? It’s just too general—meaningless,
even. Did he mention anything specific? Did you ask him to point out some problems
or explain the reasons for his rejection more clearly?
LEONARDO: Good point, but, uh, you know ...I was so disappointed at the
rejection that I was kinda like in outer space. You know what I mean?
SUSETTE: Yeah. It’s an incapacitating experience. You have so much invested per-
sonally that you try to divest as fast as you can to save what little self-respect is left.
LEONARDO: That’s it all right. I just wanted to get out of there before I said
something I would be sorry for.
SUSETTE: Yet, in the back of your mind, you probably figured that Schmidt wouldn’t
risk the company’s future just because he didn’t like you personally. But then, well . . . the
plans were good! It’s hard to deal with that contradiction on the spot, isn’t it?
LEONARDO: Exactly. I knew I should have pushed him for more information, but,
uh, I just stood there like a dummy. But what can you do about it now? It’s spilled milk.
SUSETTE: I don’t think it’s a total loss, Leonardo. I mean, from what you have told
me—what he said and what you said—I don’t think that a conclusion can be reached.
Maybe he doesn’t understand the plans, or maybe it was just his off day. Who knows?
It could be a lot of things. What would you think about pinning Schmidt down by asking
for his objections, point by point? Do you think it would help to talk to him again?
LEONARDO: Well, I would sure know a lot more than I know now. As it is, I
wouldn’t know where to begin revising or modifying the plans. And you’re right, I really
don’t know what Schmidt thinks about me or my work. Sometimes I just react and
interpret with little or no evidence.
SUSETTE: Maybe, uh . . . maybe another meeting would be a good thing, then.
LEONARDO: Well, I guess I should get off my duff and schedule an appointment
with him for next week. I am curious to find out what the problem is, with the plans,
or me. (Pause) Thanks, Susette, for helping me work through this thing.
Discussion Questions
1. Categorize each statement in the case according to the supportive communication
characteristic or type of response it represents. For example, the first statement by
Leonardo obviously is not very congruent, but the second one is much more so.
2. Which statements in the conversation were most helpful? Which were least helpful,
or could have produced defensiveness or closed off the conversation?
3. If you were the coach of Susette, how would you assist her in being more competent as
a supportive communicator? How would you coach Leonardo to be more supportive
even though it is he who faces the problem?